You hear about people announcing their pregnancies in such a delighted and joyful way. Jumping up and down in joy. Tears of happiness. Plastering social media. And wanting to tell everyone and their mothers chiropractors brothers girlfriends friends. It was not the case for me and Steven…at first.
Steven and I were at a friends house the other day and we brought our son, Nathan, to meet him and other friends for the first time since he was born. Lot’s of oohs and ahhs and smiles and what we like to call “The Baby Vortex.” (Where everyone stands around the baby just starring and smiling for 20 minutes without saying a word haha.) After catching up on grown-up life and some laughs someone asked me, “How did Steven react when you told him you were pregnant?” I laughed and rolled my eyes because not only was it not your typical pregnancy story or reaction for that matter but I’ve never really shared that answer, even when we announced it. It wasn’t necessarily a “bad” moment but it was a surprise and oh shit moment. So let me start at the beginning..
Steven and I started dating in February..and I got pregnant in March…Apparently we wasted no time. We hit it off very well when we started dating. It sounds cliche’ but it was like a “Love at first sight” kind of thing. We spent every day together, getting to know each other, sharing our deepest and even darkest secrets and spending too much money on Chinese and Ice Cream. It was something we both had never experienced in our past relationships.
So I was at the gym one day and I just didn’t feel right. I felt bloated, I felt irritable and I hissed at anyone that even looked at me. I felt like Violet from Willy Wonka, full of bloat and “blue”, which was odd since I’m typically in a good mood. My time of month was just a few days late and I didn’t think being pregnant was possible. All of these symptoms didn’t really point to “Shit, I’m pregnant.” but more of a “My time of month must be approaching.” But just to be safe I went to the nearest Pharmacy and purchased a test. I went home, ate, walked my dog and did some other things that allowed me to procrastinate taking this test. So eventually I went to the bathroom and took the test. After the longest 3 minutes of my life those two little pink lines showed up on the stick. “MotherF*****r!” I rushed to the Pharmacy again and purchased 3 more tests, all positive. I sat in my living room by myself crying, telling myself no no no this isn’t possible, “What am I going to do?” A few thoughts that ran through my head…
“I just started dating Steve, WTF is he going to say?”
“He’s going to leave me.”
“I live in Canada with no family, am I going to have to go back to Maine?” (Which I did NOT want to do)
“I never wanted kids, what are my options?”
“Abortion or do we keep it?”
After all these thoughts, I self sabotaged for a awhile for thinking these negative thoughts because after seeing all my friends having kids, this should be an exciting part of my life, a blessing, and I am one of the lucky ones who is ABLE to have a child. But unfortunately these weren’t my first thoughts. I knew the next day I was going to have to tell Steve. I ran so many scenarios in my head. So many different ways of how I am going to tell him. Here it goes…
I texted Steve the next day and asked if I could go over to his house after work so I could tell him something. He goes.. “What are you pregnant? Haha.” -_- Shit. I didn’t answer the text and arrived at his house later that day.
I sat us both down and I didn’t even say words. I just handed him the pregnancy test. He looked at me and I swear he stopped breathing for a good 5 minutes. We sat in silence for a few more and he asked me if I was sure. I then handed him the other 3 pregnancy tests. He just got up and walked outside and said he needed air. I didn’t know what to say or what to do. All I could think about was how this was going to end so badly. He finally walked back inside and asked me what I wanted to do. We were both at a lost for words but I just asked him the same question.
We spent the next few hours exploring our options. We never believed in abortion so we obviously decided to keep the baby. I didn’t feel relieved though. I couldn’t work at the time because I didn’t have a work permit in Canada, I didn’t know how to raise a kid (I was just “mending” myself from years of emotional and physical pain through a rough time), I had no family here to help me and I wasn’t 100% convinced that Steve was going to stick around. How on earth am I supposed to care for a child? For a moment there I thought that we were just going to be stuck in this depressing bubble and our relationship would dwindle away, but I couldn’t be more wrong.
After the initial shock, Steven was there for me through absolutely everything, being the best boyfriend that I couldn’t possibly of even imagined. I had insurance in Maine, so every single one of my appointments was located there. (14 hour drive there and back every time. Such a pain in the a**) But he was there for E V E R Y S I N G L E O N E. He bought a passport, missed time off of work and we eventually moved in together so he could take care of me and the baby. This was not what I expected but he exceeded my expectations by miles. He even got a book “Dude’ you’re going to be a Dad.” And it just put a huge smile on my face because he was the last person you’d see with a book and he was putting in such an effort.
All my worries, fears and doubts disappeared. We eventually told our families and they were so supportive and happy for us. Shit, I think both of our moms had a heart attack and started knitting sweaters that day. They never though either of us would have kids. Neither did we. Steven made my pregnancy so easy and less stressful. He dealt with my mood swings, grouchy-ness and cravings like a champ. He is guilty of running to the grocery store a few times at 2 am to get me cake just so I would stop whining haha. With no complaints. I couldn’t of asked for anything better.
I look back at this time in our lives and I feel bad for thinking those things about the initial pregnancy but we both laugh about it today. It has made our relationship, and marriage, the best we have every experienced and even through the negative thoughts and regardless of us only dating for a month before our beautiful baby was discovered, we have truly been the happiest and we are so grateful for this opportunity to being parents.
I not only wanted to write about our story to share but also show moms that not all pregnancies are the typical tears of joy and jumping up and down from joy. And that’s okay ! We prayed a lot for acceptance, guidance, and patience for the next step in our lives and to relieve us from the negative thoughts that come with unexpected pregnancies. God answered our prayers and we are now blessed with not only a beautiful baby boy, but with a beautiful marriage that has been nothing but happiness.
If you have a pregnancy story that you would like to share, I would love to hear about it ! !